Some Americans Unhappy with the Stew in our Melting Pot.
In the early seventies, my great-aunt Myrtle would say the N-word at restaurants. She’d always treat my family to a big meal at one of the Lithuanian joints near her…
A Parade for Losing
My Brownies went 0-16 and some fans threw a big parade. 3,200 diehards showed up Saturday, January 6th in sub-zero wind chill to ironically celebrate the Cleveland Brown’s ‘perfect’ season. …
New Year’s Resolutions Never Work – Try a New Life-Lens Instead.
Many December thirty-firsts ago, my wife Gretchen and I decided to shift our yearly resolutions into a more productive direction. No more dwelling on the negative habits we disliked about…
To Give or Not To Give – Handling the Beggar Dilemma.
Sometimes people who street-beg aren’t who they say they are. A three-year-old girl holding a Toys for Tots can asked my friend Meredith for a donation at the busy CVS…
There’s Hope For Us Boys, Yet.
Too many ‘men behaving badly’ stories lately – here’s a tale of some boys being sweet. My wife and I went to our pre-k son’s holiday party. Twenty-eight 5-year-olds wearing…
In case of emergency…Whoops!
Our water was off for a day and my family barely survived. The neighborhood water main had busted at two in the afternoon, flooding the streets and shutting down water…
Fifty-Two Christmas’s and Nothing (Thankfully) Has Changed
This will be my 52nd Christmas. My attitude towards the commercial side of this yearly celebration has evolved over the last half century. My journey of yuletide gifting began in…
Remember your first book? It can be like that again!
Memory check – title and author of the first full novel you ever read. Since I’m the one asking willie nillie, I’ll go first. That’ll give you a few minutes…
How a Gentleman reacts to Time’s choice of Person of the Year
How should a gentleman react to Time Magazine’s choice of Person of the Year? Time has named "the Silence Breakers" - women who spoke out against sexual abuse and harassment…
Introvert, Extrovert, or In Between – Which are You?
In January, a local magazine article will feature my family and my daughter hates it. The Advocate interviewed us for a series it’s doing on the Dallas Independent School District…
Thinking of You Ain’t Easy
The first guest to my daughter’s party arrived twenty-five minutes early. Seriously, Darlene? Nobody who’s ever hosted a party would do that to someone. My wife was just hopping out…
Heckling is easy – that’s why idiots do it.
Heckling is easy – that’s why idiots do it. 100% of the hecklers I encountered in my twenty-four year standup career were both drunk and ignorant. If you think about…
How Much $ Makes You Happy?
Our clothes dryer died without warning last night. Lady Kenmore still spins but there’s no more heat in her belly. She was supposed to dry some end-of-the-day whites but when…
Gagging Daddy on Duty
This morning my house was barf-central. My five-year-old son caught a stomach bug and heaved in his bed while sleeping. My wife had to take care of him, though, because…
Don’t be a Rude Old Lottie
Nothing sweeter than watching an idiot get what they deserve. Have you seen the Alabama Crimson Tide woman who got busted last Saturday for smoking in her seat at the…
American Donut Choices
Which donut do you think of when you hear that word? Yeast-raised or cake? Ring or rectangle? Glazed or chocolate-iced? Sprinkles or chopped nuts? Jelly-filled covered in powdered sugar or…
Let it Ride?
Second City Vegas gave me $25 to gamble. They give the cash as a farewell gift whenever someone leaves the cast and insist that the actor use it only for…
Become a Dictator of Kindness
By definition, my wife and I are dictators. Together we hold complete autocratic control of our household and its citizens. We rule in an absolute and often oppressive way, especially…
Kid Cursing Happens
My five-year-old son just said the F word. First off, it was written in chalk on the sidewalk, so kudos to him for sounding it out. He and I read…
Sexy Costumes are So Hack and So What?
My wife almost dumped me over a sexy Halloween costume. Gretchen was my new L.A. girlfriend back in 2002. She and her on-air partner dressed up as ‘Bedroom Mechanics’ for…