May 20, 2025

Warning: These notes are for private use only.

From the Desk of Dr. Klaus Terrance Corbin, MD
Patient Name: America the Country (Self-Identifies as “The Greatest of All Time”)
Session Eight
Date: May 20, 2025

Transcript of Today’s Session:

Dr. KTC: Welcome back, America. You seem… agitated.

America: I’m being invaded, Doc. And not by tourists or influencers—I’d welcome those. No, this is different. It’s poor people. Sad, desperate, unbranded people.

KTC: You’re referring to immigration?

America: (leans back smugly) I’m referring to the collapse of my personal brand. I built this empire on “Give me your tired, your poor,” and now everyone’s showing up tired and poor. It’s exhausting.

KTC: Isn’t that… exactly what you asked for?

America: In theory, sure. Like a restaurant that says, “We serve everyone!” but still doesn’t want you sitting in the front if your shoes smell like desperation. I mean, come on—have some self-respect when you’re begging for freedom.

KTC: You were a nation of immigrants.

America: Yeah, but those immigrants brought stuff I liked—names I could pronounce once they changed them, casseroles, the kind of accents that make musicals. These new ones? They’re not even trying to assimilate. They show up with trauma and plastic bags and expect me to care?

KTC: Do you care?

America: I care deeply—about me. About my resources, my image, my property values. You think Lady Liberty’s torch fuels itself? That shit costs energy, excuse my French.

KTC: So you’re saying there’s not enough to go around?

America: There’s plenty—but not if I have to share it with people who don’t even like my national anthem. Did you know some of them don’t stand for it? They don’t even know the second verse! (whispers) Neither do I, but that’s not the point.

KTC: What is the point?

America: The point is: I am too big, too important, too historic to be expected to babysit the world’s problems. I gave at the office. I’ve done enough. I’m the greatest country in the history of countries. I deserve peace. I deserve applause. I deserve… curated immigration.

KTC: Curated?

America: Yeah. Like, you can come in—but only if you’re hot, useful, and know how to post flattering reels of me.

KTC: That sounds like narcissistic filtering.

America: That sounds like brand management. Look—I love immigrants. I really do. Some of my best buildings were built by them. But they used to come in the right way. Through Ellis Island. Through the narrative. Now it’s all side doors and fence-hopping. It’s tacky.

KTC: But your founding identity was built on welcoming the desperate.

America: Yeah, but my desperation was charming. I was a scrappy rebel. A startup. These people? They’re walking trauma dumps with no marketing plan.

KTC: Do you hear yourself?

America: Loud and clear. My voice is the one thing still working around here. That and my drone program.

KTC: What about empathy?

America: Empathy polls terribly. And besides, if I start caring too much, I might actually have to do something. I’m too busy litigating free speech on Twitter and trying to remember which states I still trust.

KTC: You said earlier you’re being invaded.

America: I say a lot of things, Doc. You ever heard of rhetoric? I invented it. (beat) You’re not recording this, are you?

KTC: We’re out of time.

America: Great. Just like the immigrants I turned away. Always running out of room when it matters.

KTC: Until next week, America.

America: If I let you back in.

KTC: This is my office. You’re my guest.

America: Agree to disagree.

KTC: Good day.

Final Notes:
Patient exhibits classic narcissistic behaviors: grandiosity, deflection, entitlement, weaponized patriotism. Struggles to maintain internal consistency between self-mythology and present policy. Constantly reframes national concerns as personal attacks. Shows no signs of listening unless flattery is involved.

Personal Note:
Must relocate Statue of Liberty bust from office. Patient called it “needy French art.”