It all started as a favor to my 7-year-old son.
In fact, he was a little embarrassed to even ask me at first.
“Dad, uh…I was wondering…uh…never mind, it’s stupid.”
“It’s okay, Ian, what’s up?”
“You wanna Bloon with me?”
Little did I know that my affirmative answer to my son’s tentative question would lead to a personal Bloon win / loss record of 434 / 257, meaning in 691 Bloon battles I have earned a victory percentage of 63, considered, ahem, quite decent in the Bloonin’ world.
As impressed as I get you must be with all that, I also get that “What the HELL IS A BLOON????” might be on your mind, as well.
Bloons TD (tower defense) BATTLES is an online game you can download for free to your computer or smartphone or iPad or whatever you connect to the internet with and play while being interrupted by very few ads.
Here’s its main screen.
Doesn’t all that blue make you want to dive right in and start popping?
The object of the game to set up various balloon-popping monkeys at different points on the screen to best pop the balloons that keep floating across your world.
You’re given money every so often, and the balloons get faster as the rounds increase so you have to spend wisely on your defense.
Plus in the version I favor, Assault, you can send balloons at your opponent to try and help take him down.
Each opponent starts with a score of 150, and whoever gets to zero first loses, and, of course, there are a myriad of variations between monkeys with different skills, including wizard monkeys and glue gun monkeys and monkeys in boats and submarines or with cannons or sniper rifles.
And every seven hours, you get another chance to spin the Battle Wheel and win various prizes that are valuable in the game.
I’m almost 55-years old and I LOVE SPINNING THAT WHEEL!!!!
You want action? Take a look at this mid-battle screen shot from the video below:
Woo, monkey, any Bloon expert would know that my fire wizards are being aided by my glue-gunners, since slower balloons are far easier to pop.
You can tell I’m battling a player who prefers the boat defense, though they’ve snuck a wizard in there to help out.
This is round 19 – (SPOILER ALERT) and my opponent won’t last past round 20.
I won’t say Blooning is a guilty pleasure, because I regret not one milli-second I’ve spent playing this fantastic game. Whether I’m Blooning with my son (we’ve Blooned once a day since the quarantine started, which is new time together) or on my own, I get something out of this game that goes beyond the fun of winning or losing.
I’m a problem solver, a systems man and a linear thinking, and Bloons gives all three of those parts of me a good run for their money every time.
Solving the problem of where to place each part of your defense to best take on the onslaught you know is coming.
Getting the various parts of your defense working together as battle systems at all the choke points on the screen where you’re Bloonin’.
A Bloon battle takes place over the course of rounds, with each round lasting the same amount of time and with a pattern of attack that’s exact every time, so with enough repetitions I have been able to create a linear battle plan that unfolds the same way every time.
My favorite Bloon assault is victorious 63 percent of the time, though many of my losses happened early on before my plan had been perfected.
I’ve included a video of me executing my deadly Bloon battle plan, and (SPOILER ALERT) it results in a win on the very first take.
I was hoping it would be more humorous than it ended up being, but if I’m honest, there’s really nothing funny to me about Bloonin at all. I guess that’s kinda funny all in itself.
If you’re looking for a way to occupy a few hours challenging the left side of your brain while thoroughly entertaining the right side along the way, give Bloons TD BATTLES a try (it’s free!) and give yourself some respite from these far too serious times.
And if you have a young child who you’re longing to connect with, Bloon together – it makes a great activity for the two of you to enjoy, creating fun memories of laughing and popping together in both of your worlds.
Meet me on the battle field and let’s Bloon, kid!
VIDEO OF A LIVE LUKAS BLOON BATTLE:
https://youtu.be/7NyqSIhlaFI
