The Creative POV [7]: While waiting for a parent / teacher conference...

Education is a shared commitment between dedicated teachers, motivated students, and enthusiastic parents.

- Bob Beauprez

Every parent / teacher conference should come with a shot of Tequila.

- Anonymous

Hello Modern Human!

Welcome to the Creative POV, where every week an artist, Jenny Whitehead, and a comedian, Mike Lukas, offer creative tips on how to put down your screen and be entertained by the world around you.

You know, like people did before the internet because they had no choice.

For this post, you’re waiting for a parent / teacher conference to begin.

You know, that moment right before you meet with your kid’s teacher and you’re waiting at the back of the classroom while some other kid’s parents are taking their turn up front. Maybe you’re sitting in an undersized chair at a miniature table having to be quiet. Of course, the temptation is to put your phone on silent and start entertaining yourself with Tik-Toks and Tweets.

But once in a while, do what artists and comedians do and search your surroundings for creative inspiration.

Here are three tips for doing that while stuck waiting for a parent / teacher conference.

Creative POV Tip 1:

Stuck waiting for a parent / teacher conference?

Take a subtle look around the classroom!

Artist POV

Jenny Whitehead

If I am sitting in my child’s classroom for a parent/teacher conference, I’m most likely giving 97% of my attention to every word the teacher is saying because, hey, its my kid and I’d care.

But, as a creative visual person, I may take a few liberties with the other 3%.

With the first 1%, I take a subtle look around the classroom. No doubt, the classroom posters would catch my eye first. What wisdom can I gleam from the sun-faded images covering the wear and tear of a beige classroom wall?

Most of them are probably the same dorky designs I looked at when I was a student:

Nope. Stand corrected. It looks like times have changed and so have the posters (and the fonts!)…

Updated, more conversational language, provocative type style, graphic designing and sophisticated color palettes. Plus, the messages are clear and unapologetic. Noted. Not for kids, only.

I realizing I am being surrounded by quotes on all four walls.

“I am silently correcting your grammar.” Yikes.

“A society grows great when old men plant trees, the shade of which they know they will never sit in.” Greek Proverb.

This reminds me to go and do something worthwhile soon.

And for the average-minded students, “Mistakes are Proof you are Trying.” Whew.

Being a visual person, I can’t help but appreciate all that went into making each poster.

Someone…

…brainstormed the concept, considered readability and age-appropriate subject matter.
…researched the quote and its availability to be used.
…photographed or painted or designed the image.
…crafted the type to work with the design.
…printed it, laminated it and die-cut it.

The layers of expertise necessary to create anything, whether it’s a one-of-a-kind piece of art or mass-produced classroom posters, is surprising to most people. (And I’m sure architects, industrial designers, engineers, and chefs would say the same thing!)

Comic POV

Mike Lukas

First thing I do whenever I’m in my kid’s classroom is physically dominate the environment.

I’ve never felt so huge.

To make my wife giggle, I squeeze my six-foot-four frame into one of the miniature desks and then try to stand up while wearing it.

“Look, I’m a broken transformer.”

My wife laughs, and by “laugh” I mean shakes her head and pretends she doesn’t know me.

I take another look around, this time at the lessons on the walls.

I’ve never felt so smart.

Heh. Everything these 3rd graders are learning I already know.

Wow, this must be how that one really smart kid back in my 3rd grade class felt.

Except he was eight and I’ve graduated college.

I take another look around and notice the chalkboard.

I’ve never felt so sloppy.

I’m left-handed so whenever I’m writing on a chalkboard my hand drags across the letters I’ve just written and smears it.

It’s why I quit calligraphy and forging paychecks.

Plus my hands sweat so I leave a snail trail across the chalkboard.

One brush of my sweaty palms against the board and the chalk dust disappears until I neutralize the dark, moist stain with dust from the eraser.

It’s like throwing sawdust on my own puke only slightly more humiliating.

I used to tap my 3rd grade enemies on the back of their shirt with a chalky eraser without them knowing so their clothes would have a white rectangle on it all day.

It was my way of branding them without having to start a campfire.

One final glance around the classroom and I see all the grade school posters on the walls.

I’ve never felt so lied to.

So I rewrite them all in my head to better reflect the realities of life.

“Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety percent perspiration nepotism.”

“Mistakes can help us learn [who should get paid less.]”

“Hang in there, baby [you’ll die soon, everyone does.]”

“Practice makes progress [but auto-tune makes everyone sound perfect, even Post Malone.]”

Creative POV Tip 2:

Stuck waiting for a parent / teacher conference?

Look around for a classroom pet.

Artist POV

Jenny Whitehead

With my second 1% of time, I would look around for a classroom pet.

Say, a turtle, hamster, fish, frog, tarantula, rabbit—any living creature will do (but nothing to be dissected later, please).

Then, in my mind, I would name this pet and ask it some questions.

“Have you ever planned an escape?”

“What do you do when the students and teacher go home?”

“Do you feel that your accommodations are adequate?”

Maybe I’d sketch the animal on a scrap piece of paper, adding a hat or shoes or a pipe, just for fun.

Maybe I’d name it and jot down some made-up personality traits, or draw it a friend.

I’d start re-designing it’s interior living space—possibly adding a credenza or fridge or drapes as an escape from the 25 faces staring back all day long.

But if the teacher caught me drawing while she was talking, I’d immediately volunteer to take the pet home for the week of Thanksgiving.

Comic POV

Mike Lukas

When you think about it – a classroom turtle has to attend the same class as all those 3rd graders except the turtle never gets graded.

And since the turtle belongs to the teacher, it has to take that same class over and over again.

How does that affect the turtle’s scholastic confidence?

Do they think they keep failing that class and have to repeat it?

For the first time in its life, does that turtle feel slow?

Class pets are alone from four in the afternoon until seven the next morning.

After all that school day excitement, bet they love the solitude, like when your kids finally go to bed or when your boss takes a vacation.

Wonder if anything fun goes on in the classroom pet’s world when the kids and teachers are away…

…Do they escape and party with the other classroom pets?

…Do they rebel and smoke tiny clove cigarettes and do shots of formaldehyde?

…Do they vent and take turns imitating the students?

“Look at me, I’m Billy Big-Face-Pokes-a-Lot. My breath smells like soy and ketchup and I’m failing 3rd grade.”

“Hee hee, Tammy Turtle, you should be a comedian.”

“No thanks, Hammy Hamster. I couldn’t afford the pay cut.”

Creative POV Tip 3:

Stuck waiting for a parent / teacher conference?

Brainstorm how you’d teach that class.

Artist POV

Jenny Whitehead

With my third 1% of time, I’d brainstorm fun ways to teach whatever was being taught in this class if I was only brave enough to do it. No matter what the grade and subject, anything goes inside my head!

For instance, what if I brought in a juggler to teach adding and subtracting?

How can I dream up a unique alphabet book idea?

If we built a train station, the kids could learn mapping, telling time, speed/distance, writing and vocabulary.

Creating a fake news show could be a fun way to teach different time periods in social studies.

For older kids, asking them to design a restaurant prototype in order to teach budgeting and marketing.

Imagine the creative thinking that would go into developing every aspect—the interior, the theme, the menu, pricing and promotional materials. What if they had to invent something that solved big-people problems (world hunger or global warming) using concepts borrowed from science.

I was a visual learner (obviously!) so any learning I could do through projects, mapping, building, inventing, experimenting, imagining, drawing became concepts I never forgot.

(One last note: before leaving the Parent/Teacher conference, I’d thank the teacher for her endless dedication and patience, especially with the day-dreaming kids who eventually turn into us adult creative thinkers!)

Comic POV

Mike Lukas

If I was the teacher, I’d teach more practical things. For example:

If I taught math…

…I’d show students how to use subtraction to figure out how much slower than the speed limit that old man in front of them is driving .

…I’d show them how to use percentages to figure out how to leave a decent tip.

“Let’s go over our times 20% table again, shall we?”

…I’d show them how to use multiplication to figure out how many pet cats or Twitter accounts are reasonable.

If I taught English…

…I’d teach them the correct parts of a sentence so in battle they can defeat the grammar Nazis.

…I’d have them read out loud using silly voices so they get over their fear of being laughed at.

…I’d go over the correct way to speak and then I’d teach them how people really farking talk.

…I’d give spelling tests that passive aggressively let them know the areas of their lives I think they should work on.

“Timothy, I’d like you to spell ‘hygiene’ and then use it in a shower.”

If I taught History…

…I would teach them the truth about America and make sure to have a grief counselor handy.

….I’d have them take a cross-Atlantic field trip on an old wooden ship with hemp sails and no Dramamine.

…I’d bring in the elderly to tell students how hard it was back when they grew up.

“We wore stick-and-leaf suits and ate sawdust sandwiches and only had warm rusty water to drink.”

If I taught Science…

…I’d dissect one of my students in order to keep the others in line.

…I’d use microscopes to get an up-close look at boogers and dead flies.

…I’d do experiments that involve firecrackers, gasoline, and the slowest moving kids.

…I’d combine chemicals to see if we could make our own acid, then we’d really learn some cool concepts.

(One last note: before leaving the Parent/Teacher conference, I’d slip the teacher a six-pack and a folded-up twenty with a joint inside. Underpaid and overworked people deserve a decent tip!)

Hope that gives you some fun reasons to put down your screen and let the world of being stuck waiting for a parent / teacher conference.

Next week, we’ll go over our Top-3 creative ways to pass the time waiting for a doctor’s appointment.

See you then!

Jenny & Mike

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